that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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