Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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