I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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