Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
