Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
