You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
