If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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