I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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