when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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