I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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