why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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