She is in my trunk
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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