oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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