Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
