College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
