she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
