if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
