dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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