Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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