Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
