yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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