dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize