I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
