just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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