Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
