"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
