i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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