i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
