Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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