But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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