im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
