I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
