Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
