I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
