i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
