You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
