he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
