You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
