I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
