you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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