you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
