is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize