Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
