I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize