Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
