she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
