Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
