i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize