Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
