Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
