I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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