Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
