I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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