i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
