My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
