Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
how does that bad decision feel?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I had to cum in my sink.
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