So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We're too hungover to prance.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
