Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She's like a pop up book from hell.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
