Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
