I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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