the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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